ONE YEAR!!!

So, pain equals no sleep for me. I cannot get comfortable because I am burned on the most awkward places. Like my back and shoulders and legs so I can't get comfortable. This is leaving me loads of time to think...about everything. My life is out of whack. Seriously. I can't seem to get a handle on anything. I have never been an emotional person...but now, I cry at everything. I have read a book numerous times and have never had a problem with it. I just finished it again and by the time I hit "The End" I had tears streaming down my face...and it wasn't even sad...it was happy. Now, I know what you are thinking..."it's a female thing...all women are over-emotional" But it's not. I was brought up believing that if you cried you were weak...I have grown out of this belief once I found my belief in Jesus but I still don't cry too much. But lately...JEEZ! It's getting ridiculous! I'm sure it would be better if my life wasn't so crappy but...

My relationships...with everyone, my family and my friends and even my relationship with
Jesus...is seriously lacking. Everything seems to be distant. I can't muster up the excitement that I used to have for reading the Bible and studying His word. I hate it! I want it so bad. I never get the things I want and I guess that is what the Devil is playing into. But on the brighter...side, today is exactly ONE YEAR for me...breaking a habit is hard, I mean really hard, but I am one year today...technically at about 8 tonight but...still. Thank you to everyone who has helped me in the past year! I love you!!!!

Okay, one last thing. If you know me you know that I love Twilight. I was watching Twilight the other night during one of these really bad storms, it calms me, and I realized something. I don't believe in Fairy Tales, at all. The knight in shining armor and him swooping in to save the damsel in distress (however you spell it...you know what I'm talking about)...CRAP. I have been trying to lately. Really. There is a book out called "How to keep a Princess Heart in a not-so-Fairy-Tale-world" Or something to that effect. Anyway, it talks about how women, no matter what age or place in their lives, always hope for their knight to come in and save them. You really need to read the book. I am cynical, still, but again I am working on it. I thought this thing was crap. But it's not. I want man to come in and save me. Obviously not like I'm in quicksand and I need him to pull me out...Though honestly that is where I feel right now. But I want him to come in and save me!!! As I was watching Twilight I wanted that kind of romance. I mean, he loves her so much that he will give his life to make her safe. He would give up his own life for her. he is putting himself in pain because he wants to be with her so bad. And, leave it up to me to find this similarity-most of you will either not see it or not agree with me-but I see it as what Jesus did for us. He loves us SO MUCH that He gave His life so that we could live with Him everyday. That's Love!!! And I realized, you know what? I have that kind of romance. With God. There is no romance that's any better. He has come in and saved me like no one else can. I am not cynical of His love for me. I know I don't deserve it but I know He loves me anyway. That's more than anyone could ever ask for.